After reviewing some of my posts, I realized that maybe I need focus on giving some credit to the online dating community. I don’t want to sound like a Negative Nelly and I truly am I’m thankful that I’ve met some wonderful people with online dating services.
Thinking about that positive dating post, today is not that post. I’m going to be honest, tomorrow probably won’t be that post either. Ok, the whole week is going to be a wash.
With that in mind, I thought I’d share with you my online dating fail of the week. You’re thinking, but Vivid, it’s only Tuesday. Yup, welcome to my life.
Bachelor #1: I originally thought handlebar moustaches went out of fashion around the mid 1800′s. Apparently, my gentleman caller has decided that this was indeed, the revival of the handlebar moustache.
Nothing like a 44 year old man, who looks like he’s going on 64. Ah, the warm embrace and first kiss of feeling like a shoe brush on my face…and is that pickle juice from your lunch sandwich? Gross, gross, gross. I mean, this thing was huge…it could take flight if it broke free.
Ladies, I think you’ll agree with me on this one, If Tom Selleck can barely pull off a moustache, there is no man on the planet who can, let alone a handlebar moustache. Now, stubble and facial hair can look fabulous on a man.
In Iowa, it’s a law that a man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public. Iowa’s got it right people. And I’ll probably never utter THAT sentence again.
I mean, let’s look a Ned Flanders. He’s got a moustache.
Bachelor #1 seems to also channel the classics in his writing. Truly eloquent. Let’s visit some of them, shall we? Yes…lets… I’d also like you to pay special attention to how each email progresses. A true Cinderella story.
“Would be proud to be with you…say hi”
Ok. Sure. You’re older and creepy, but nice enough.
“You are such a beautiful and wonderful woman. Please tell me I can hold your hands while looking into your eyes and tell you the wonderful things I am feeling… say yes… Give me this chance to know and love you….”
Alright. Ok. Yup. Creepy moustache + creepy message = Delete.
“Wjile your in your pajama’s, it’s late come cuddle with me come feel the warmth I have in my heart for you, relax with me send me an IM let’s smile and enjoy love…”
Hmm, something tells me that the cuddle is not about the warmth in his heart, if you know what I mean. And I think you do because you’re a sick bunch of readers.
Creepy moustache + 2 creepy messages = Delete, Block and Blog.