Dr. Warren, I’m frustrated there is no check mark box for cheap, stupid, lazy, ugly and emotionally unstable.

Happy New Year!  Cheers! What?  You say it’s already a week into a the New Year?  Well, I’m slow and lazy and if you don’t know that already, then clearly you are new to this blog.

The New Year is a time to reflect.  Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?  No, actually, let’s not.  If you want to know about the past dating escapades, just look in my archives and old posts.  Geez- who is lazy now?   

However, it has been three months and my online dating cage match between eHarmony and Match has come to a screeching halt.  This week, I’d like to invite you to share these experiences with you and get you all up to date.  You may be saying to yourself…Vivid, I really don’t care.  To that I gently respond…suck it up, stop your bitching, grab a flask of whiskey and saddle up.

Just the right size

What have I learned?  Mostly nothing.  Once again, I’m not that bright.   I did, however, take away a few pearls of wisdom that I’d like to share with you all.  Gather ’round children, but not too close!  Some of you readers are seriously twisted and I feel I’d need a penicillin shot if you came too close.

eHarmony:  Well, Dr. Warren, I got very few matches.  Sometimes only one a day.  With over 20 million registered users and I only get one a day?   When I did, they were all 50 year old, 5’1″ accountants.  Not exactly a good fit for me. 

Don't worry. I've saved him for you.

Most accounts seemed inactive.  Since you are able to see who has viewed your profile, and what actions they are taking on their profiles, I decided to initiate contact with ALL my matches.  No, I wasn’t interested in them.  I know, this is not a nice thing to do if I’m not interested, but I’m a woman of science.  Ok, I’m not.  I just like watching sci-fi movies.  For you, my readers, this was for experimental purposes.  Same thing, right?

Not one view of my profile.   None.  I can’t attribute this to poor photos or them not being attracted to me.  on eHarmony, you can’t view pictures of matches ahead of time, you must click on their name to view the picture and profile.  Not one click.  So, it’s safe to say that 90% of my matches, were not even active or logging in.   Puzzling, Popcorn man.  20 Million members?  Are ANY active?

By no means am I perfect.  I’m fabulously flawed like everyone else, but after what seemed like days of filling out a personality profile, I don’t think I’m suited for a number crunchers, nor the guy below. 

Wait, wait, wait.   I’m totally not thinking.  Maybe being matched with accountants is a good thing…we are coming up on tax season.  Hmmm.

Additionally, eHarmony also is painfully slow during the communication process.  Clicking off check boxes to talk with one another because we’re all too lazy or socially inept to form a response?  REALLY? I feel like we should all just get a box of crayons to fill out the forms because I feel it’s childish.

What is with the ‘Must have’s and Can’t Stands?”  Do we really need another form to select that we don’t want someone who lies, cheats and doesn’t shower?  Yes, that actually is an option, people who are unkept and unclean.  ICK!

Doesn’t this all go without saying?  Call me crazy, but shouldn’t it be baseline that we should all be honest, kind, funny and clean?  As I’m filling out my form, I can’t help but notice, there is no check mark box for cheap,stupid, lazy, ugly and emotionally unstable?

Between filling out the 5,000 ‘Compatibility Profile’ questionnaire, and the 3 months to select check boxes and communicate to my hobbit accountant match, it would take me 6 months just to go on a date.

So, what’s my final verdict on eHarmony?  A big disappointment.  Yes, there are nice people on eHarmony.  Most seem to be looking for a serious relationship and that is refreshing to see.  Admirable actually.  I think it is mostly people with very good intentions towards finding a solid relationship.    However, most seem to be socially awkward and too short to be able to ride most of the roller coasters at Amusement Parks. 

My final verdict:  C-  .  eHarmony was seriously frustrating.

I think this sums eHarmony up nicely

5 thoughts on “Dr. Warren, I’m frustrated there is no check mark box for cheap, stupid, lazy, ugly and emotionally unstable.

  1. Wow, I thought it was just me! In theory, it should work, but since they don’t take down all the old profiles it’s like being in a ghost town… that you paid to be in. No thank you.

  2. I had a similarly bad experience with e-harm. I will never use their service again. The bulk of my matches weren’t active/paying members. What a joke! For what they charge, they definitely did not deliver.

    1. I’m so glad you wrote and told me too! I was seduced by Dr. Warren and also thought…ok, premium service, premium price. Not so much. I truly think it helps for people who are socially awkward. All the darn multiple choice. And the icing on the cake? No one is even active. Thanks for your comments!

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