“I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.” *

My senseless 3 month dating cage match summary continues from eHarmony on to Match.com.   Where to begin?  Match.com, you are joy and sorrow to me.  You are laughter and hatred to me.  You are the ‘Sybil’ of the dating world.  I kinda dig that about you.

Yes, there have been terrible profiles, disgusting pictures and the writing skills of a 2-year-old.  That’s just my profile alone.  Awful profiles aside, in all seriousness, I thank goodness for the appalling and offensive emails.  To which, this illustrious blog would not have formed.  A thank you to all the sickos who took the time to explain their sexual habits, lack of bathing skills and creative date suggestions.  I never would have thought that porn would have been a good introduction email.  Match.com, you have proved me wrong.

At least he cleans. This, to me, is impressive. Silver lining people, silver lining.

In all fairness, I did go on some great dates, of which I did not share on here.  Why?  Because the other shit show of men is just too damn funny and wrong.  I had no other choice but to post it.  It was a moral and patriotic obligation.  I’m not really sure how..but I’ll come up with a reason.

Before we get into some site statistics, I’d like to remind you of the screening process.  this is a delicate balance and a refined science.  Take heed, people.

feel free to print this and refer to it later.

1,312 emails.  35 of them coherent.  4 of them in some form of English.

42 men blocked.

3 men who wanted to date exclusively during the first meeting. Creeepy.


2 stalkers

1 gentleman suitor

Yes, you heard me right.  My gentleman suitor and I are now officially dating, which means the profiles have been taken down.   He’s extremely kind, generous and handsome.  Touching, I know. 🙂  Oddly enough, we use to work together.

Match.com review:  B+.  Lots of action.  Most of it bizarre.  However, I did meet someone…who knew? 🙂

You know what is awkward?   My gentleman suitor knows about this blog and knew about it while we were dating.  A bit of a challenge initially.  I have to admit, some topics that I would have liked to discuss, I didn’t.   Ideal?  No. 

I did chose to write about things that I could be 100% honest and transparent about.   Let’s face it, if he actually read this and didn’t run screaming, that’s a good sign, right? 

Or maybe it’s a sign of mentally illness.  I’m not sure which yet.  Jury is out.

So, I go back and forth in my head thinking….ok, what’s next?  Where is the creative direction of this blog going?  Well, I’ve got a few ideas.  Most of them terrible, but I’m good at terrible.  Heck, family has been staying at my house(5 adults and one 2 year-old) for the last 2 holiday weeks…that would give me enough to blog about until 2015.  I should also be allowed a morphine drip…yea, hook me up…STAT!

Here is to 2012, a new relationship, a new blog and saying goodbye to online dating.  Let’s see where this ride takes us next…

*Quote -Wendy Liebman.


20 thoughts on ““I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.” *

    1. It was all really fun. Sure, a bit frustrating, but a great experience. let’s face it, some good stories. 🙂
      Thanks for reading!

  1. This is such a funny read 🙂 congratulations on Mr. Gentleman Suitor. I’m still highly doubtful I’d find one thru the site though. But it’s great to hear success stories!

    1. Thanks! Only one way to go into online dating…optimistic. there are some wonderful people online. and yes, I was one of those fabulous people! 🙂 I know so many people who have met and married. They are great people with fantastic relationships (or so it seems). Yes, it’s a shit show. Yes, it’s a lot of work. Yes, it’s frustrating. Stay positive. I’m met some amazing people on there and I’m thankful for the experience. Keep us posted!!! 🙂 You just don’t know, right? 🙂

  2. Brilliant! And freakin’ hilarious. This has been exactly my experience. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Oh Match.com, how I both love and loathe thee…

    Cheers to you and your beau!

  3. I love this blog! I seem to be on my own quest of this minefield they call internet dating! As you it’s all the creepies and awful people that will end up on my blog as they are wayyyy more funny that the ‘normal’ ones. Although I don’t seem to attract ‘normal’ ones!

    Let the social experiment begin!

    1. Thanks! Remember to enjoy it. even a date that isn’t a ‘fit’ can be fun. make the best of it…at the very least…awesome stories. There are some great people on there. Best of luck. Can’t wait to read.

  4. This post was a gift from Jesus Mary and Jerome. Thank you for making me chuckle after opening my OKC mailbox. My offers to become a concubine and have someone cum on my knees are probably the best offers I will have all day. It is all downhill from here.

    1. Gracious, I’ve never been such a holy and devine gift! I LIKE the way you think! 🙂 Ah, your online dating experiences are simiilar to my own. Lots of dirty birds out there!!! 🙂

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